|
Post by Ildûrest on Feb 1, 2006 11:15:03 GMT
Well, just to offer one more attraction that the two best things ever (QB! And intelligent discussions) I've made a thread for a bit of funny stuff. It begins with something I made yesterday, while taking a break from an essay I was writing: And here are some slightly strange jokes... Why'd the racist hit the Englishman? -Because the Englishman was black. What's the difference between a Bulgarian and a Croatian? -They come from different countries. What did the barman say to the Irishman? -"Want a beer?" How do you make a hockey player cry? -Murder his family. I hope that's somewhat amusing. If you have something funny to add, go ahead. Anyway, this thread is here for fun. So... yeah, you know what to do.
|
|
|
Post by earlofqb on Feb 2, 2006 1:59:26 GMT
Although funny, they were racist (which are the best jokes, IMHO). To borrow a few from a friend of mine (who is pretty much a card-carrying member of the KKK): "what do you do when you see a <ethnic slur, take your pick> hopping on one leg? Stop laughing and reload" I have a few more, but that one is my favorite. My favorite programming joke, pretty much goes as follows (helps if you have a female friend backing you up, elsewise you look almost perverted because you'd have to delete the Sally lines and replace the last Earl line with "I'll assert comcat too "): Earl: Yep, I'm going to knock up Sally tonight. Sally: I'll see you tonight Earl Earl: Should I assert comcat? Sally: You know what to bring The joke is explained as follows: "Knocking up" refers to a neo-programming term I've heard that refers to loading a file into an IDE. Sally is the name of an IDE (and also happens to be the name of a friend of mine). You can also use Missy (for MSIE: MicroSoft Integrated Environments (maverick-programmer talk for VS) or Jenny (JNE for Java's New Envoronment (J2))). The phrase assert comcat refers to two header files that although I've never used, am fairly sure they serve some purpose. Because I never heard of them, I decided to put them in to quietly ask what you use them for (assert seems self-explanitory, however I'll be cautious). However, my favorite interpretation of that joke is by a literal translation. Funny as Canada and "won" me an "award" (ie had an entire room of 23 laughing after it). Hope you liked it.
|
|
|
Post by Ildûrest on Feb 2, 2006 10:58:59 GMT
Did that terrific image of mine load? You had problems with the Ithié one, so if not, I'm going to have to turn the head of proboards into the butt of your one-leg joke. One more joke... an Australian joke. A really bad one. Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. And, no, I can't resist: Why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.
|
|
|
Post by earlofqb on Feb 3, 2006 22:51:48 GMT
ROFLMAO!
Just because I don't want to feel like a complete failure (no one laughed at my programming joke), I'll inform you of its success in the real world (well, I got my fair share of laughs out of it by presenting it to the current QB class (which I really wish I could join, but I've got a required maths class to take. Sure, I might have finished the class with the second highest grade last year, but it was a fun course, of which there's very few)). Of course, what makes it really funny is that the person I used it with was the same human who is my cousin (however no one outside of my family and this board really knows it, so perhaps the joke itself has merit?).
Edit: <time elapsed: roughly 10 minutes. I was busy reading my mail and forgot to hit submit. Good thing I did> On second thought, that's actually very creepy, 4th (or 5th) cousin or not. Forget I said that...
|
|
|
Post by Homeloaf on Feb 5, 2006 3:59:59 GMT
Here's a great joke.
Child: Mommy? Why am I walking in circles? Mother: Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!
|
|
|
Post by mopsy on Feb 7, 2006 2:19:38 GMT
Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. And, no, I can't resist: Why did the 2nd koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Oh wow. That had me laughing for a long time. I think I might tell that to someone just to see if I get a blank stare. That might be funny.
|
|
|
Post by Homeloaf on Feb 11, 2006 21:35:50 GMT
Okay, I've mentioned that I play the bassoon...
Q: What's a flaming bassoon good for?
A: Setting a pile of oboes on fire.
Q: What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the bassoon recital.
A bass joke...
Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The bassist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
A guitarist joke...
Q: How does a guitarist make his car more aerodynamic?
A: Takes the "Domino's" sign off of the top.
Q: How does a guitarist get a better guitar?
A: He gets a real job.
Q: What's black, blue, has welts, and is in a ditch?
A: A guitarist that told too many drummer jokes.
Banjo...
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Noone cries when you cut up a banjo.
Did you hear about the banjo player that was so far out of tune that other banjo players actually started to notice?
Hahahahaha. Oh boy, those are sure some knee-slappers. I'm gonna go shoot myself in the face, now. Instead of shaving. So my facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea...
|
|
|
Post by Homeloaf on Feb 15, 2006 0:46:15 GMT
Jeez, is this board dead? I hope not. It's fun.
Okay, true story. Today my entire family was home with the flu. As we all sat down in the living room to watch a movie, my dad gets up to excrete. When he came back, he asked, "While I'm up, does anyone want anything?" "How 'bout a llama," I asked. "No, son. You don't even take care of your emu anymore!"
|
|
|
Post by mopsy on Feb 15, 2006 2:53:58 GMT
(is still laughing about the Koala jokes)
So what if I'm easily amused!
|
|
|
Post by Homeloaf on Feb 15, 2006 4:17:18 GMT
Thx Earl. And to mopsy... I'm still partial to the koala joke myself.
|
|
|
Post by mopsy on Feb 25, 2006 17:02:50 GMT
I want to revive this thread so I'm going to attack with my array of blonde jokes. Because I can.
Q: How do you kill a blonde (PART 1) A: Put spikes on her shoulder pads.
Q: How do you kill a blonde (PART 2) A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
So this blonde is so tired of all the 'dumb blonde' jokes that she decides to kill her self. So one night she goes out with a noose and a ladder. Climbs up a tree fixes up the noose and hangs her self. The next morning a guy is walking by and is asking her what she's doing. She informs him that she's hanging her self. He gives her a puzzled look and asks her if the noose should be on her neck. She rolls her eyes and sighs 'I did that but then I couldn't breathe!'
Okay, so this blonde walks into a barber shop (wearing headphones) and says she wants a hair cut. But the hair dresser tells her that she can't cut her hair till she takes off the head phones. The blonde tells her that if she takes off the head phones she'll die. The hair dresser shakes her head and informs the blonde that no pair of headphones is keeping her alive. They argue about that for a moment and eventually the blonde takes off her headphones colapses, and dies. The hair dresser picks them up and listens to it 'Breathe in... Breathe out...'
RACIST JOKE! Q: Why are asprin white? A: Well you want them to work don't you?
I'm done.
|
|
|
Post by Ildûrest on Feb 25, 2006 21:18:58 GMT
|
|
|
Post by earlofqb on Feb 25, 2006 22:26:58 GMT
What will Windows look like in 30 years? GUI-based Linux, but with 12 times the RAM requirements and 30 times the CPU usage.
How can you tell the difference between a Windows user and a Linux user? The Linux user isn't thinking how long it'll be before he's fired for missing yet another deadline due to PC problems.
How can you tell the difference between a Mac and Linux user? The Linux user doesn't blindly follow a CEO just because they like their products.
How can you tell a programmer from a user? The programmer is the one on the rope, the users are the ones with pitchforks.
What are the qualifications for becomming a Windows programmer? Willing to submit to the rule of the GATE(s)keeper.
How do you become a Web Developer? Fail your course in Software Applications and Workstation Programming.
Why should you use C# code in your program? Because you can't see dull code.
Java is the answer to C++. C# is the answer to Java. A bullet is the answer to all of the above.
BASIC was designed for beginners. Python was developed for incompetents. C was designed for weak systems. C++ was developed for programmers.
"I thought Python was a snake..." -Earl after first hearing of Python
The quickest way to write a program is to go to the local unemployment office and look up everyone listed as a "Computer Specialist -Programmer". You'll only get 20,000 applicants, so choose wisely.
The difference between a software engineer and a programmer is that the software engineer has enough social knowledge to kiss up to his boss.
The eternal pragamist says, "Code well, you will not. You've coded a rundll32 error, and all of history hates you eternal".
Rundll32: the DLL that broke a million programs.
GreeNIX: a hippie's version of UNIX. Instead of a root directory, you have a root tree. Instead of booting up, it "gets high". Instead of shutting down, it has a "low spell". Instead of a program/system crash, you have an "overdose".
GNU: Got No Unix?
GPL: Gay Pride Line
"Programming is simple: take a little statements, throw in some loops, and pray." -Earl, when commenting a program in VB class last year. This comment got me bonus points for "originality".
"A programmer is a computer's worst fear. Why else does your computer crash when Sally (an IDE for C++) load?" -Earl, when describing the pains, yet joys of working in Sally.
Missy + Sally + Earl = a good time. (Background: both are pseudonyms for my IDEs).
"I need a life" -Earl, after programming for 8 hours straight, accomplishing nothing.
|
|
|
Post by mopsy on Feb 26, 2006 4:44:32 GMT
Q: What's the difference between Rap lyrics and poetry? A: About 40 IQ points.
I... I think I've found my new motto. Thank you Ildurest. And thanks for the link to the llama song. I forgot about. Shame on me (blinks)
|
|
|
Post by Ildûrest on Feb 27, 2006 8:34:29 GMT
From bash.org: <Sonium> someone speak python here? <lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS <lucky> SSSSS <Sonium> the programming language And this one also came up in my search for that: <MercyBeat> For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips. <MercyBeat> 1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?" <MercyBeat> 2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better." <MercyBeat> 3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat. <MercyBeat> 4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring." <MercyBeat> 5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies. <MercyBeat> 6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts <MercyBeat> 7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson." <MercyBeat> 8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!" <MercyBeat> 9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians <MercyBeat> 10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs. <MercyBeat> 11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck. <MercyBeat> 12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style. <MercyBeat> 13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!" <MercyBeat> 14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins <MercyBeat> 15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!" <MercyBeat> 16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre. <MercyBeat> 17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?" <MercyBeat> 18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie. <MercyBeat> 19. Start an Orc sing-a-long. <MercyBeat> 20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused. Yeah, anyway, Earl, your programming jokes suck Apart from GreeNIX XD
|
|
|
Post by earlofqb on Feb 28, 2006 0:54:46 GMT
Well, I tried. I had a good bit on my blog, but they were wiped out by a power failure at the server. While I try to remember them, I had to go with the {censored} ones I could remember. GreeNIX was spiffy, although personally I like the "Earl-bashing" jokes (mostly because they're true ).
|
|
|
Post by mopsy on Mar 15, 2006 15:24:01 GMT
as I don't know if people will look at my post if I edit, and noone else has been following that...
Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: You shoot her.
That's somthing I'm proud to say I came up with after drinking eight hundred cups of coffee.. Yeah. IT'S FUNNY! LAUGH!
|
|
|
Post by Homeloaf on Mar 15, 2006 19:02:15 GMT
Tee Hee.
|
|